"Stupid for you"

(Hey, remember that ambitious plan to blog every day? Yeah, that was a good idea...)

During the premiere of the Hills, my favorite summer song "Umbrella" was played, as well as an acoustic cover by some then-unknown artist (I was unfamiliar at least). Of course I looked up the artist, listened to her cover, and discovered a pretty cool singer/songwriter type with a lovely voice by the name of Marié Digby. Here's one of my favorites:

Shake it off

Earlier this week I locked myself and my two roommates out of my apartment at 6pm and had to wait for our fourth roommate to get home from work at 10pm before we could get back into the apartment. Fortunately none of us were any worse for wear - aside from my badly damaged pride, everyone was in pretty happy spirits, all things considered.

Then today I locked my keys in my car and I have to wait for my parents to bring me a spare key tomorrow. I love being an idiot!

It's been a rough week, and if there was ever a reason for some Mariah therapy, it's tonight...

Orange Tic Tacs

... Breath mints, candy, or pure happiness? You be the judge.

Oh baby

My niece Camille is nearly 8 months old now and is a perfect sweetheart. She's talkative (not really any words yet, but boy does she babble!), observant, smiley, and fucking adorable. We all love her and - seeing as she's got three sets of grandparents - she's truly brought the family together like never before.

She also pissed all over my mom the other day while she was getting her diaper changed...

THE STORY

We were babysitting Camille before my party this weekend so my brother and his wife could take the weekend off for fishing. My mom had twisted her ankle in a bad way and was essentially bed-ridden, so when Camille needed to have her diaper changed, I bravely and stepped up to bat. After all, I've changed baby diapers before, no big deal, yeah?

Turns out Camilla had really let 'er rip. I opened the diaper to large gobs of mushy greenish poo and I faltered. My mom though this was pretty funny and volunteered to take over for me, being the generous mother that she is. So, I helped her down from the recliner to kneel in front of the couch in a position that she could manage without hurting herself further.

As soon as mom had removed the soiled diaper, Camille started to pee. My mom frantically grabbed a diaper and held it on the... peeing area until Camille had stopped (or so we thought). Of course, she had caught my mom by surprise and didn't manage to sop up all of it, so she grabbed some wipes and started to clean it up.

Then she started peeing again. My mom reached for another diaper, but this time it was way too late. Camille got pee all up her back, soaking her one-sy, and it's all over her changing pad. Again, my mom held a diaper to Camille until way past when she has finished.

At this point it became clear that Camille needed to be washed. I started to fill the sink with water while my mom stripped Camille for a bath. As my mom stood Camille up to pull the one-sy over her head, I noticed her peeing for the third time. Unfortunately my mom did not see this until I yelled "MOM!" and pointed to the baby. By this point, a sizeable puddle had formed in the changing pad and we were both amazed by the apparent size of this kid's bladder.

Everything ended up just fine of course - we bathed her and yes, she eventually stopped peeing. It was an interesting experience and it certainly gave me a heightened appreciation for mother's everywhere and the shit that they put up with (literally, in this case).

The lost vibrator

My dad thinks he has a sense of humor. Whenever he and my mother have helped me move (several times now in the past few years) and he's off in some corner attending to some harmless task, he likes to pop his head up and go "Oh, a stash of condoms!"

Obviously, this joke only works because

1. My dad and I have the kind of relationship where we can joke about things like this, and
2. I actually have/had a condom stash in my room

Fortunately, neither of my parents have ever found said stash because I'm sure I would endure a lifetime of teasing from them if they ever did uncover it. However, because my parents are cool, I never really worried too much about it. I was always far more concerned that they'd find my vibrator, the discovery of which I'm convinced would be much more awkward.

No, this story does not end with either of my parents finding my vibrator because I've somehow lost it.

What makes this most interesting is the fact that I don't ever recall removing my vibrator from my room at any point, but I'm positive that it would've been uncovered during my most recent moves, which it obviously has not.

Anyway, this presents a problem for me in my recent single-dom, for obvious reasons. It's probably better this way anyway, that thing was a cheap piece of crap, maybe it's time for an upgrade...

S.O.L. at the D.O.L.

Went to renew my license today at the Department of Licensing downtown. What I really wanted was to make a funny face for my drivers license, but after consulting with a few friends, I decided to tone down the idea and just try going for what I'd like to call the nontraditional smile.

Basically that idea didn't work out at all. As I stepped up to take the picture and get ready to make the funniest face you've ever seen...

Then the guy asks me a question and just as I'm answering, takes the damn picture. As the picture loads on a computer screen, he has the nerve to ask me if I want to take the picture again. WTF MY MOUTH IS OPEN IN THE PICTURE, YES I WANT TO TAKE IT AGAIN.

I guess it ended up okay because when I took it again, it was a decent picture, but it wasn't funny like I wanted. I suppose I could've just kept the first one - which was technically funny - but it was too ugly-funny and not enough funny-funny, which wasn't okay with me. Oh well, I can take a funny picture in another five years I suppose.

Happy birthday!

It's my birthday today, I'm 21. Just in case you still haven't gotten me a gift, here are some ideas:

• Boyfriend (you know the one)
• Cash

Thanks ahead of time!

Summer movies, Pt 2

I realized today that I've been out to see a lot of movies this summer so I've decided to dedicate yet another post to my new favorite sedentary hobby. I know my movie watching has become pretty intense compared to the normal school year because Fandango.com has been given its own spot on my Bookmarks Toolbar, yowza!

What follows is a breakdown of the new movies I've gone to see this summer, a suggested tagline, and a few sentences on how I feel about the movie...

Transformers - "Badass motherfuckery all over the place."
I ended up seeing this movie by myself through an ironic series of events. This turned out to be unfortunate for me because the whole first half of the movie I was squirming with awe and nearly called someone just to brag about how badass the movie was. I still want to go see this movie again because I loved it so much - the effects were amazing, the action was bomb, and I gotta love me some Shia. Oh, and Megan Fox was out of control hot, like, out of this world, way unnecessarily hot.

Ratatouille - "Disney, Pixar, Brad Bird = extreme genius."
I expected a lot from this film considering how much I adore The Incredibles, the other brainchild of Brad Bird and Pixar. Although it didn't live up to its predecessor, the movie was pretty damn good. Equal parts cute, charming, and funny, the movie was (of course) brilliantly animated, with so many scenes reminiscent of Bird it's not even funny. I actually did see this one twice and I'll definitely buy it when it comes out on DVD.


Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - "Ministry of Magic much?"
Yes yes, lots of anticipation for this one. Mostly I'd just like to say that Neville's hair was surprisingly tolerable and the casting for Luna and Umbridge was remarkable. Can't wait for the special features on the DVD release!

Paris Je T'aime - "Je l'aime vraiment!"
Even though I saw this movie awhile ago and I had only gone to see it out of curiosity, I keep thinking about it, which to me speaks volumes. The whole thing was so artistic and moving that I've been tempted to go see this one a second time too, just because of the feeling I got from watching the movie. Probably another future DVD purchase...

Introducing the Dwights - "And you thought BRITISH boys were cute..."
This was another movie-on-a-whim that I had read about and had sounded interesting. For sure a good film but kinda depressing at the same time. Very cute Australian boy in it though.

Hairspray - "Don't take your Travolta-obsessed parents."
My parents are the ones in the theatre who make outrageously loud comments during the film, laugh obnoxiously at stale puns, and ask questions about what just happened. They also love to elbow me in the side when something funny happens, which turned out to be unlucky for me because I was sitting between them getting elbowed from both sides. Anyway, the movie was enjoyable (a lot of singing) and my mom will surely buy it on DVD, though I dunno if I would.

The Simpsons Movie - "The longest episode you'll ever see!"
Not bad. I wasn't impressed by any means, but I did have a good time and it was fairly classic Simpsons-brand humor with only a hint of that wacky, pop culture shit that most Simpsons episodes have nowadays. I did enjoy seeing some things that are normally too "adult" for TV. Would've liked to see more peripheral characters, but it was all good. I'll always love the Simpsons.

Becoming Jane - "I want to have James McAvoy's children."
You already know what I thought of this movie.

The Ten - "Waaaay out of control."
Even more so than Wet Hot American Summer, this film was beyond outrageous. Good overall and I definitely had some good laughs, but this movie was so diculous, it was ri-diculous. Sex with wooden dummys, Jesus Christ, and between convicted felons... Go see it though, seriously.

And that's all for now. This week I'll see Stardust, which I'm sure I'll have a few choice words for as well.

Happy Anniversary, Nordstrom!

Tomorrow (or today, technically) is the last day of this year's Anniversary Sale at Nordstrom. Granted, I've already been to the sale about four times now, but I offered to go one final time to pick up some things for my mother, so I will be doing some last minute shopping tomorrow downtown.

Earlier in the sale I purchased a messenger bag; within two days, the strap had started to rip. Knowing Nordstrom's lax return policy, I returned the bag later that week, no questions asked, giving me another excuse to visit the sale. It's customer service like this that makes gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside (is that what an orgasm feels like?) when I shop at Nordstrom. Who needs alcohol when I've got retail therapy?

Even though I found the sale pretty disappointing this year, I'd like to commemorate the end of the sale with the old Nordstrom Employee Handbook; the whole thing used to be printed on 5x7 gray index cards and distributed to employees upon hire:

WELCOME TO NORDSTROM

We're glad to have you with our Company. Our number one goal is to provide outstanding customer service. Set both your personal and professional goals high. We have great confidence in your ability to achieve them.

Nordstrom Rules: Rule #1: Use your good judgment in all situations. There will be no additional rules.

Please feel free to ask your department manager, store manager, or division general manager any question at any time.

Please mum, I want some more...

Last night I went to see Becoming Jane and it was just okay. I will admit that I was partially distracted by the glory of James McAvoy, which may have kept me from appreciating the movie to its fullest, but I have no regrets. In fact, James McAvoy gave quite an enjoyable performance... I therefore dedicate this entry to Mr. McAvoy and a few other Scottish actors who have garnered my own, hard-won acclaim.

James McAvoy

Where you've seen him:

• Becoming Jane
• The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
• Wimbledon

Why I love him:
In a very Hugh Grant-like way, James McAvoy has a sweet, endearing charm that's absolutely irresistible. Plus, who ever thought a faun could be hot?


Ewan McGregor
Where you've seen him:

• Trainspotting
• Star Wars Episodes I-III
• Moulin Rouge
• Big Fish
• The Island

Why I love him:
I know he smokes and I know he has a big forehead-mole, but I can't help it, he's so damn adorable. He sings, dances, and he's f-ing Obi Wan, come on! Yeah, I'm pretty much in love.


Gerard Butler
Where you've seen him:

• Dracula 2000
• The Phantom of the Opera
• 300

Why I love him:
Gerard's badass-factor is off the charts. He's been Dracula, a phantom, and King Leonidas. Granted, he wasn't exactly Mr. Thing as the phantom, but I can't resist a guy who sings, even if he is creepy, disfigured, and obsessed with a young girl...


Dougray Scott
Where you've seen him:

• Deep Impact
• Ever After
• Dark Water

Why I love him:
I'm not going to lie, the only reason Dougray made this list was because of Ever After, one of favorite movies (which I also just recently watched). In fact, I'm not sure that I recall him in any of his other movies, but that's alright. His single performance as Prince Henry II secures his place on this list (and in my heart).

Losing things makes me a loser

Sunglasses and me don't get along very well for the most part. My little Asian nose can't handle big or heavy sunglasses, but I don't really look good in smaller frames. So you can imagine my jubilation at finding the perfect pair of sunglasses last weekend while shopping with friends at New York & Company. I've basically been looking all summer long and I finally found a pair that not only fit, but that didn't look too shabby either.

And, in a wonderful twist of fate, I seem to have lost them already. Yes, that's right, I've lost the perfect sunglasses.

I've searched the only place I've been all day (work) and can only think of one other place they could possibly be. If I can't find them, I'll have to go buy another pair before I die of a broken heart. Until then, I'll just reminisce on the wonderful four days we had together...

Summer movies

Two movies come out tomorrow that I really want to see, and you should really want to see them too. Well, at least one of them. The second film might only be attractive to you if you have a vagina. Either way, these are two good films that should keep you preoccupied from going to see the simultaneously-released Bratz, just in case you were in danger of getting some brattitude.

The Ten
Have you ever seen Wet Hot American Summer? If not, borrow it from me and watch it, immediately. It's amazing.

Anyway, the creators of this brilliant comedic gem have made a new movie called The Ten. The movie features ten short stories, all based on the ten commandments. See for yourself:

Fortunately for you, despite the movie's limited release, it's playing in a couple places that are close by, so take advantage of that and go see this movie. It'll be awesome, lots of laughs I promise.

Becoming Jane

Okay, so this recommendation is a bit self-indulgent. I haven't even decided if I think this movie actually looks like it's going to be good or not, but I generally like Anne Hathaway and boy do I enjoy watching James McAvoy.

This movie is also in limited release but is still playing at more theatres than The Ten, go figure. If you want indulge your feminine side, go see this movie.

Why I love Lilo and Stitch

As is a regular habit of mine and my roommates, we had a Disney Movie Night in our apartment tonight. Tonight's feature? Lilo and Stitch, a traditionally animated feature released way back in the summer of 2002.

I had seen this movie once before when was first released. However, I don't believe that I blubbered like an idiot through the whole thing the first time around, like I did tonight. Yes, that's right, I cried... A lot. At first I was just tearing up but by the end, I just let loose and was full on crying. Thank goodness we keep a box of tissues next to the TV.

Basically, this movie is unbelievably adorable in every possible way, but never strays into the overly saccharine IMHO, the main reason I'm not a huge fan of Monsters, Inc..

You might recall the innovative ad campaign employed by Disney prior to the release of the film, including fun trailers such as the following:

From the ridiculously feisty Lilo ("I'm sorry I bit you... and pulled your hair... and punched you in the face...") to the equally lovable Stitch ("This is my family. I found it, all on my own. Is little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good." - excuse my while I die a little), the film is fucking brilliant. Beautiful watercolor backgrounds, spot-on voice acting, Elvis/Hawai'ian soundtrack, it's all great.

Although I don't recall being enamored with this film after the first viewing, it will certainly be filed henceforth under "Disney favorites" in my brain. Like Tarzan, this movie left a much better taste in my mouth after the second viewing (although I have yet to cry during Tarzan).

So, I strongly encourage you to go out and watch this movie again, it's good stuff. Don't forget to grab a box of tissue.